More suggestions for staying sane in the run up to your wedding day...
6. Talk to your fiancé.
Generally, men don't look forward to things the way women do. We have very small brains, you see. So it's likely you're going to be a little bit more excited than him, but if your fiance is not emotionally invested in the
wedding at all, this is something that you really want to be talking about. Not
in a confrontational way, though. Ask "am I letting you get
involved in this celebration, or do you feel like a spectator?" Some guys
think it's about giving you what you want and shutting up for the duration of
the day. Given that your wedding day is symbolic of your planned married life
together, this might not be the healthiest approach. Like the hen-night t-shirt
which proudly announces "Made To Be Obeyed"... If you
can't get your husband-to-be to be genuinely excited about your wedding day,
you need to understand why not.
7. Let men be men, and women be women.
I might be branded either a luddite or a post-feminist here, but I think you should find ways to express the groom's masculinity as well as the bride's femininity, to symbolise the important role of gender in your relationship. Many weddings are thoroughly girly. This can result in the men resorting acting like children, or drinking too much as an outlet for their manliness. If you can make glad sacrifices to each other's specific tastes, recognising why you're doing it (not just as a consolation, but actually affirming each other's differences) then it's a healthy signal to send to the person you're spending the rest of your life with. I'm not talking about a wrestling contest or anything. A hog roast, or a fine cigar. What about a section where the men and the women "retire" to separate places after dinner while room gets turned around, then come together for the dancing? That's got a kind of old-fashioned chic. For more tips on how men can be men, visit The Art of Manliness
8. Things will go wrong. So think about what's important.
I've been at weddings that have had any number of "glitches". I've seen fights, screaming matches, brides fainting at the altar (they had the ceremony in the evening, once she got back from hospital!), toppling wedding cakes, double-booked venues...but not all at the one wedding. It's a rare wedding where everything goes to plan, and often the best ones are where something unexpected forces you to think about what is important. Equally, it's usually the least enjoyable ones that run precisely to schedule. You know somewhere at these events there is some serious person running things with a military precision and temperament to match. So relax. Don't be self-indulgent, but don't be a clockwatcher either. Your own temperament sets the mood for the guests.
9. Don't worry about who isn't there, focus on those who are.
The plain fact is that at a wedding not everyone you want to be there will make it. But on the day, you have to focus on the people who ARE there, and you can be sure that they will make it a great day for you if you express your appreciation to them. Remember that the wedding is a symbol. It's important, but it's still just a symbol of something more important.
10. Don't be pretentious.
You're having a wedding in Scotland. We are not a pretentious people. These people are less impressed with bells and whistles than they are with honest, heartfelt expressions of friendship. I'm not saying you need to get all gushy to everyone you meet, but be genuine and don't worry too much about whether you are putting on a good enough show for your guests. Gratitude and kindness beat ostentation every time.
Post your comments below. Part 3 follows next week. PS It's not too late to arrange that Shrek-themed wedding, by the way.
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